


Rememberance

by Trekgloria



Category: Poldark (TV 2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2018-11-16 08:46:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11249679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trekgloria/pseuds/Trekgloria
Summary: Ross and Demelza sexually experience their first night together after his encounter with Elizabeth.





	1. Chapter 1

Remembrance  
That night Demelza realized Elizabeth had entered her home and refused to leave. With this realization Demelza was reacquainted with an old fear. Not one of being beaten by a drunken father, thinking he would kill her tonight, or when the bull went mad in rut, not even the fear of her child dying, for she had no memory of that fear before Julia died, only the loss after. Instead this was the night Demelza was reintroduced to loss, which was a greater enemy than even fear. But fear was the harbinger, the herald riding ahead, sounding the sally to come. A fear that cut her, deep, so deep she wondered if it would ever heal. At first rage was her response, then pain, then fear. Demelza slipped into a half living state--at times she knew everything and the pain of that knowledge would build until she felt as if she was drowning, slipping beneath the waves. She could still see from under the water, but the visions were faded, slightly ethereal, and silent of voices, not even her own could she hear, and no one, not even she could comfort her during those times. It was as if she was dying from the inside, a coldness replacing all the warmth and joy she’d known. And that coldness overtook her pain. It was the only way to endure.  
Demelza thought back to when her father would beat her, drunk and wild with anger, lashing out at anything and anyone, railing against his lot in life. Though she hardly remembered her, her Mother had stood the brunt of his rage those few years, but with six children born, almost one a year, she was weakened by the blows, the poverty, the pregnancies, each one more difficult, till one night, after a particularly horrific beating, her mother rose in the middle of a cold winter's night and walked outside. They found her the next day, sitting against a cromlech, what the old folks called a healing stone, facing the sea. They said it was the cold that took her, she'd fallen asleep and not awakened. No one questioned why she had gone out, why she had gone to the stones in the middle of that bitterly cold night, or the fresh lashes on her body. Is that what her Mother sought that night, the cold, looking for a numbness to fill her hurt, finding a hardening as the only way to endure.  
For a time after that, her father had quit drinking and thus the beatings stopped, but only for a time. Eventually they began again, but now Demelza took the burden of his rage. Gradually, she learned to accept this as the way of her life. But that had been so very long ago it seemed now, half a lifetime.  
But, this, this fear, this pain born of grief and anger was destructive for it was lodged in her heart, and it was Ross who caused this wound. Like the poison that rises yellow in the veins and moves to the heart, this infection flowed from her heart to her very soul. The man Demelza loved, had given herself to, believed him to be honorable, had trusted him, had now destroyed that faith. Had everything in these years been some way for Ross to survive till he could finally have Elizabeth? Elizabeth, who Ross had loved for so long and with such a passion that even when she chose to marry another, bore that man's child, that still had not dulled his desire for her.  
Pain she could manage, Demelza thought, but fear does many things to a person and she wasn't sure how to cope. This fear wasn't just for herself, but for her son. Should Ross leave her, he could take her son, and that fear was beyond enduring. Demelza knew she'd have no say, no recourse, no future, and she could not live without Jeremy. After those first few days, of waiting, waiting for that decision to completely destroy her world, the wound began to close, not heal, for no balm was given, no examination to determine if there was an infection, just a silent slow scaring, holding in the poison, the raw pain of grief, anger, and most decidedly fear. So she waited, for Ross to decide, and as she did the wound festered, infection burrowing deep into her soul with the fear. Love him still, though she railed against it and herself for being so weak, she could not stop. Finally, Demelza understood what Ross and even Elizabeth must have felt, those many years ago, when they parted and choose others. But knowing that feeling only lent stronger fear to her mind. If this is what Ross felt on losing Elizabeth, how could he ever return to her and be satisfied.  
That Ross married her Demelza had never fully understood, and he'd told her, she wasn't required to, just accept it. Such a man's point of view she'd always thought. At first Demelza was content, Ross gave her exactly what a good marriage should, a union within the law, a home for children, safety, and partnership. That when Ross took her each time, holding her, placing his lips on her body, entering her she knew a pleasure never imagined, that had been enough for she loved him. But when Ross told her he loved her, Demelza had begun to believe. Yet now, all those times had been only dry tinder, quickly burned, but unable to catch and light the lasting fire.  
Demelza saw Ross' pulling away, and attempted to draw him back, but at every turn he ignored her and continued to move beyond her reach. When Francis died, Demelza realized the loss was more than a man’s life, but also the change in the equation between her, Ross, and Elizabeth. As long as Francis lived, she knew, or rather trusted Ross, that Ross would not hurt Francis that way, nor would Elizabeth jeopardize her life with her child. That situation she could cope with, the way you knew how to manage the lone predator. Keep him well fed and away from the stock. But that took more than one warder to manage, and Francis was gone, and now even the livestock sought the predator. Though in truth, she no longer knew who was the predator and who was the prey.  
That night, when Ross demanded she stand aside, he had never he spoken to her like that before. Cross he’d been many times, but this was a rage and nothing could stop him. Demelza knew of his need to conquer a situation, using his might. From the moment they met, when Ross rescued her, he’d had used his physical prowess to master a situation. It was his recourse, his release, his way of mastering what vexed him. That night with all that went before, Ross would not be satisfied by anything Elizabeth might say, only a physical confrontation and mastering would calm him. Those were the only actions that could pacify him tonight, Demelza knew too well. Like a starving predator, he was determined to slake his hunger, no matter the price.  
And Demelza knew what had passed, so now the three of them shared that night. But after, the waiting that rubbed the wound raw. That Ross never decided, never returned to Elizabeth, never explained his decision, was not the answer or healing she needed. Ross had made no move to either reconcile with her or return to Elizabeth. But instead of seeing it as an end to what might have been, Ross remained distant, unable to take responsibility for his actions or to come to terms with his decisions. His lack of making a decision forced her and Elizabeth to wait upon him. Until Elizabeth, unable to withstand George's pleas and Ross not returning, was left her with little choice but to choose a future without Ross. And so the very thing Ross had sought to prevent that night occurred. Yet nothing changed between Demelza and Ross, only a cold silence ensured.  
Only with the passing of time, when Demelza realized this half-life, in neither the light nor darkness could continue for years, did she make her decision to leave. It was then, only with that Solomon worthy dispensing of justice did Ross realize, if each only had half, there could be no life. She was willing to make the sacrifice, to give up Ross. Then, and only then did he speak of his feelings for her and for Elizabeth.  



	2. Chapter 2

Remembrance  
Thus this night they needed to reconcile, it could not wait. Both had been so far from the other, neither could quite enter with the old playfulness and familiarity, but the hunger was there. Demelza's apprehension was that as they once again loved, Ross would remember his night with Elizabeth or worse she would. Could she bear to have him touch her, knowing what they’d share as husband and wife he had given to Elizabeth that night? Would Ross compare her to Elizabeth? Would he remember how Elizabeth made him feel? How Elizabeth's body responded to his, how he must have looked upon her beauty and remembered why he had loved her for so long? Would he regret not fighting for Elizabeth, had he only given her up because she didn't want him? But, more importantly, could she compete even now with that memory, no longer just imagined, but now known? Could Ross truly forget what it felt like to hold Elizabeth in his arms, to kiss her, to enter her? Could she avoid comparing her own response to what she imagined Elizabeth’s were?  
They had discussed little about that night. Neither was comfortable speaking or hearing about it. What was needed was a connection that transcended words. That night, after Ross expressed his feelings about himself, Elizabeth, and her, Demelza had she allowed him to join her in their bed.  
Demelza went up first, she was unwilling for Ross to see her naked tonight. Undressing and crawling into bed she blew out the candle. She needed the darkness and coverlet to shield her from Ross's eyes and her own unease that her body would not compare to Elizabeth’s. She trembled when Ross entered the room. For a moment, Demelza wanted to tell him, no, it was too soon, she was not ready. Ross brought a single candle that illuminated a tiny area of the room. Ross stood at the far end not facing her and removed his clothes. As he undressed, she was struck by how thin he looked, the fine chiseled bones seemed to loom over the hollow in his cheeks. How had she not noticed this before? But Demlza could see it now, the worry, how it had eaten at him. Finally he turned, and came with the candle. She told him put it out. And with a slight breath he did and the room glowed with only pale moonlight.  
Ross slid under the covers and put his hand to her face, he could feel her trembling. Asking if she was cold, her response, a soft no, afeard. Only then did Ross comprehend the full realization how his actions had wounded her, scarred her, as well as angered her. Ross pulled her closer, enveloped her in his arms and put his lips to her face, trying to cover it in soft kisses. Finally he reached her mouth and placed his lips on hers. Instead of opening to him she shivered.  
Demelza was more frightened of this joining than their first time, so long ago it seemed now. Yet feeling Ross' gentle kisses, Demelza realized she must participate in the healing also. She found his mouth and opened herself to him. She reached her arms to pull him closer. She stretched her body and pushed against his, she suddenly wanted to feel as much of him against her as possible, skin to skin. For so long she had missed this, but refused to acknowledge it, hating herself for being so weak in still desiring him. His body was so warm, his tangled curls tickling her skin, even the stubble on his face was soft as he rubbed against her. She buried her nose in his neck and inhaled that scent that so defined him to her. It was like the warm sea and the smell after a thunder storm. This, this sensation she realized how much she missed this connection with him. She could feel how he was already hard, pushing against her belly. Demelza yearned to be filled by Ross, to join with him, to feel him thrust against her, to wrap her legs around his hips and hold him tight within her. Yet, she needed time, to reacquaint herself with him. To remember the instinctive call and response their bodies offered to each other. How they knew what each needed and joined with a reliance on the other to satisfy. Demelza feared she no longer knew Ross, his desires, his pleasures, and must relearn everything about him. In part this reacquainting with the familiarity of what had brought him and her so much joy when they came together was necessary. In the moment she was less sure of herself than their first time. Would the old ways of their love making overcome the memories--he of Elizabeth and she of him with Elizabeth?  
Ross moved his hands to her breasts, he held each and gently squeezed. He then moved his mouth and suckled for a moment. Suddenly, she heard him call her name; Demelza, Demelza, Demelza and in that moment she could remember. She pulled her fingers along his torso, stroking down then up. This action moved him to nuzzle her neck with the familiar response. That private knowledge of each other was still there. Tenuous, but the memory remained and their bodies responded.  
Holding Demelza, Ross realized, this is all I need, why could I not see what I had was greater than what I imagined I wanted. And yet, he realized the love he'd had for Elizabeth wasn't something that he could just turn off. For if he could turn it off for Elizabeth, could he not also for Demelza. Love Ross realized wasn't an easy thing to experience, it could produce as much pain as pleasure. He had experienced that pain, both for himself and what he had brought to Demelza.  
Ross could feel her trembling, the woman he'd shared so much with was afraid, she'd said it, afeard, and he knew why, her fear of Elizabeth, of him, of no longer trusting him. Feeling ashamed, Ross called her name and he felt her relax. Moving his mouth down her neck with soft kisses and gentle tugging of her skin, this he knew was what she enjoyed. And it was here, the fragrance of her was always the strongest. Burrowing his nose to the nape of neck he inhaled her, fresh, clean, like the air after a storm but infused with wildflowers. Just behind her ear he kissed her and felt her pull tight against him. Ross wanted no space to separate them tonight. Ross remembered how Demelza would run her fingers along his torso and pull him near, the way she stretched her body against his. Each movement was an anticipation of what he wanted, what he needed. Deamelz had a keenness of knowing him and he felt her connect in that familiar way.  
Demelza responded, she sighed and moaned, this, his mouth both kissing and nipping her neck was what she could never resist. For now they used their mouths only to find each other, to share that ethereal breath, to taste each other. Suddenly Demelza needed for Ross to enter her, to fill her, and release his seed inside her womb. She whimpered his name, Ross. She could no longer wait, she needed him inside her.  
Hearing her call him as she did to let him know she was ready for him, Ross rolled her on her back, pulled her knees up and spread her legs wide. Too dark to see, he knew every inch of her body. Her hands slid down to his hips and she pressed her fingers into his buttocks, pulling him towards her. Sliding his hands under her hips, he pulled her towards him, till he could feel his cock at her entrance. It had been so long since he held and entered her, Ross feared he would injure her and paused. Demelza whispered, please Ross, please, I want you. With that encouragement he pushed against her and felt how hot and wet she was. Ross slid inside her slowly, enjoying penetrating her. Feeling her walls envelope him as he entered her. He was reminded of their first time joining. He was her first, and Ross felt as if Demelza was made just for him. Like a key in a lock, when Ross was inside Demelza, everything fit together, two halves to make one whole. He was reminded of his philosophy lesson so long ago, on Aristotle and how humans had once had four arms and legs and two heads. The gods being jealous had split them, and they spent their lives trying to find their other half. As a youth he had barely imagined sex as that metaphor, but tonight Ross realized sex was how they joined, to hold on to each other for that brief moment and remember what it was like to be whole, before the world pulled them apart. Ross knew now what it meant to be complete. No one else had ever made him feel complete, only Demelza.  
The satisfaction of Ross within her made her gasp. Demelza was always surprised at how large Ross felt when inside her. Even after the birth of her child, he filled and stretched her, she could feel every inch of him deep within her. Holding Ross, being filled by him stirred the old feelings. Once Ross was fully embedded within, Demelza pulled herself up and against him, chest to chest, groin to groin, face to face. Her hunger was intense, she groaned and laid her head on his chest, hearing his heart so strong, so steady. Wrapping her arms firmly around his back, holding him tight against her. She feared if he began to thrust she would be overcome and loose control. Demelza needed this to last, to bond with him. She was in no hurry for this joining to end, she wanted to take her time. She wanted this to not just be sex, but to be a union to affirm their commitment. Pulling herself tightly against him, face to face with Ross. Demelza had a sudden hunger and placed her mouth against his and kissed him, her tongue dancing within his mouth. She seem to fill him with her tongue, pressing his head against hers, making an intimate seal between them.  
Ross placed his hands under her arms and slowly lifted her then pulled her tight against his groin, over and over, slightly lifting her, then pulling her back. She was impaled on him, unable to move on her own, he controlled the intensity, the speed, the rhythm. This position, she upright, his cock fully embedded in her, Ross reached her very womb with every thrust. Suddenly Ross felt her begin to throb and contract. Demelza half sobbed and called his name.  
Her throbbing stimulated him as he felt her walls grip his shaft, he held her tight against his groin as he began his release. All those months, all that time lost forever. He was a man who was blinded, but now could see again. Ross lifted Demelza's head, just before he pressed his lips to hers, he said; I love you. With that Demelza realized Elizabeth had left her home.


End file.
